Dear Mr. Ashely...

My beloved toon is on the auction block and the word on the street is that the Nigerians are interested. I found a copy of the offer on the internet, and I think the future is bright at Newcastle:

Dear Sir,

I am Mr.David Mark, an Auditor of a BANK OF THE NORTH INTERNATIONAL, ABUJA(FCT). I have the courage to Crave indulgence for this important business believing that you will never let me down either now or in the future.

Someyears ago, an American Mining consultant/contractor with the Nigeria National Petroleum Consortium made a numbered time (fixed) deposit for twelve calendarmonths, valued 400 MILLION POUNDS in a Nigerian account. On maturity, the bank sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.

After a month, The bank sent another reminder and finally his contractemployers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Consortium wrote to inform the bankthat he died without MAKING A WILL, and all attempts by the British Embassy to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore, made further investigation and discovered that the beneficiary was an immigrant from Jamaica and only recently obtained British citizenship. He did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank deposit paper work.

This money total amount 400 MILLION POUNDS is still sitting in my bank as a dormant Account. No one will ever come forward to claim it, and according toNigerian Banking policy, after some years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Petroleum Consortium if the account owner is certified dead.

This is the situation, and my proposal is that I am looking for a foreigner who will stand in as the next of kin to beneficiary, and OPEN a Bank Account abroad to facilitate the transfer of this money, in exchange for some consideration. I am thinking your stock in Newcastle United Football Club. This is simple, all you have to do is to OPEN an account anywhere in the world and send me its detail for me to arrangethe proper money transfer paperwork, and facilitate the transfer. But first, you must send me your stock. The money willthen be paid into this Account.

There is no risk at all, and all the paper work for this transaction will be done by me using my position and connections in the banks in Nigeria. This business transaction is guaranteed, and the transfer will be for 400 MILLION POUNDS, as advised by our insider in the bank.

If you areinterested, please reply immediately through my personal email sending thefollowing details: (1) Your Full Name/Address (2) Your Private Telephone/faxNumber. Please observe the utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that thistransaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest some of my share in your country.

I look forward to yourearliest reply.

Yours,

Mr.David Mark.

le football est la vie

I know, I haven't been a good blogger for the past few weeks, but here's an interesting story I read on bbc.com. If I win the lottery, this is my dream. Who knew Fabien Barthez's best achievement would occur after his up and down career?

Marrying football and philosophy
By Russell Trott BBC News

A new football academy in France is aiming to turn its pupils not just into star goalkeepers, but top-class thinkers and citizens.
Drawing inspiration from two illustrious predecessors - World Cup-winning keeper Fabien Barthez and goalkeeper/philosopher Albert Camus - the unique institution aims to instil the values of citizenship in 11-16-year-olds from around the world and from all walks of life.
That means mutual respect, discipline, understanding and a sense of team spirit are as important in football, say organisers, as in the communities where they live.
One of those behind the project is Barthez, the former Manchester United and France goalkeeper, or gardien de but, who, despite a long and lucrative career at the top, never lost sight of where he came from.
"We're trying to get away from the idea of producing champions - we're more interested in promoting good morals among young adults," he says.
"It is important for our pupils to learn to become men, just as much as it is for them to learn to become goalkeepers.
"I want to give back to football what it has given to me."
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Instructors teach life lessons as well as football skills
As well as the football and life-skills coaching, the students will also receive a conventional education, in line with France's school curriculum.
We've come here to progress in school as much as in football - and gaining and developing good values is what is important to us," says Jeremie de Aldiah, 15.
Philippe Jackson, 15, says the teaching is not just about football - it is about life.
"The coaches here expand what they've taught you on the pitch," he said.
"Everyone needs guidance for later on in life. Everything is based around the football, and expanded to show that some of the skills we learn on the pitch can be used in life."
Resilience key
The academy is based in south-west France, at a school high in the Pyrenees, in the pretty spa town of Luchon.
As well as support from local businesses, international companies such as Nike, and the French FA, it appears to have captured the imagination of the sporting world - with a number of English Premier League clubs said to be watching the academy's progress closely.
Students from France and abroad will board at the local school and train every evening. They have been selected for their goalkeeping ability, and also for their resilience in what is a competitive and mentally challenging sport.
Qualification is based on their passion for goalkeeping as much as their academic record.
The academy's philosophy has drawn comparisons with French writer and Nobel Prize winner, Albert Camus, an Algerian-born philosopher and goalkeeper, who saw the beautiful game as providing moral guidance and inspiration for living.
The sense of team spirit, fraternity and common purpose appealed to Camus.
"All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football", he said.
Academie de Gardiens de But technical director Jacques Julia agrees.
"Whilst French keepers Fabien Barthez and Elie Baup were the inspiration for the academy, there are parallels with what Camus was writing about," says Mr Julia, a former Toulouse FC coach.
"Working in a team with a common objective, respect for each other and one's own abilities. After all it was he who said that everything he knew about life, he owed to football."
Lessons for life
Mr Julia is one of the academy's top coaches, and uses diagrams and flow charts in the classroom to teach his own brand of sports psychology to the young keepers.
"Every time a child saves a ball it's similar to every difficult situation they will face in life. Every time they jump to catch a ball, or go into a tackle, they need courage and commitment, and it's similar in life", he says.
Mr Julia knows the importance of instilling the values of fair play and discipline within sport, to young people who may have lost their way in life.
He has worked in some of the most deprived areas of French cities, known as the banlieue, or suburbs, where disaffected youths became embroiled in crime and other anti-social behaviour.
Young people fought running battles with police and set property and cars alight, during rioting around Paris and a number of other French cities in 2005.
"We organised physical exercises and intense training sessions to help keep those youngsters from getting bored and roaming the streets," says Mr Julia.
"It was all about learning to be disciplined and respecting a working environment within a structure that gave some meaning to their lives," he said.
Louis Ferre, Mayor of Luchon, says the citizenship values being taught at the academy will have wider implications for the town and the region as a whole.
"We have the mountains here, and the weather too, so we're confident the young students will enjoy being coached here," he says.
"And our own students benefit because they will meet and interact with these young goalkeepers.
"Our students are away from the cities and the problems of living in the suburbs, so the academy will also be an education for them."
Whether or not the academy proves to be a success, only time will tell.
But those behind it believe the coaching skills, both on and off the football pitch, will only help those young goalkeepers find their feet when they have to make their own way in the world.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Profits

I so wish that more news outlets, especially radio, had made a bigger deal out of this.  Rap and R&B has officially entered a new phase of hipocrisy.  We all knew that entertainers were moving into "mogel" status by mass marketing and cross-advertising themselves through music, movies, perfume/cologne, clothing, etc.  This is an ever sharpening contrast to their songs, at least the ones who profess to be "real," whatever that means.

Well, Jay-Z has taken the next step towards killing the art form that he made popular.  Ever heard that song "Forever," by Chris Brown? I am sure you have if you listen to the radio.  Well, the line "Double your pleasure, double your fun, and dance forever..." (Yes, that's the hook) is actually an advertisement for Wrigley's Doublemint gum.  JayZ has an advertising company that has an agreement with Wrigley's to write songs to be used by popular artists to advertise for Wrigley's products.  There is nothing wrong with profit and advertising, although I think it is too common.  However, this seems to me to be the ultimate sell out and very disappointing for someone who is considered to be the "don" of Rap.  I hope others agree and I hope that people who love his songs understand that they are clearly being manipulated by someone they, I think, trust to "stay true to the music."

Look forward to more Wrigley's songs from Julianne Hough, Ne Yo, and Big Red. What a joke. 

I'm scared, 'Sarge.

We are all son, we all are.

These words came to mind as my family and I watched portions of the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics, especially the opening drum scene.   I first have to say that I am totally impressed with what I saw and I don't think the world has ever seen anything close to what the Chinese put on last night.

However, Matt Laurer, being diplomatic as ever, said something to the effect of "this may cause viewers to be apprehensive," stating that the drummers were asked to smile, "which takes the edge off and softens it a bit."

Smiling or not, that opening drum scene scared the crap out of me.  Poor Charlotte, mouth agape, clung to me in awe and terror.  My friend Andrew, who has much more of an idea about the Chinese psyche and their love of the collective over the individual, would probably have more insight into this, but that seemed to be something that China probably loved when they saw it, as 2008 guys did a near perfect stepsing routine.  

I see the Sigs doing a mock opening ceremony at Stepsing 09.

Anyway, I think the world collectively held its breath during that routine.  I don't want to begrudge the Chinese their history and art, but I felt that most of these opening ceremonies, and ESPECIALLY the drum scene as a statement that both says "Look at how unique and cool we are, we're not as bad as you think," and also saying between the lines, "I just want you to know how strong and intimidating we can be."

I really was thinking that this is the modern equivalent of parading tanks, troops and nukes across Tienanmen (sp) square in front of a huge picture of Mao.  I couldn't get that image out of my head.  It was simply a more modern and disguised showing of their collective strength and that really scares me.  

Discuss.

19 million.......roubles?

What's with these Russians?  Arugably their best player in generations, Andrei Arshavin, has performed admirably on the world stage and the Ruskies are pricing the guy out of his dream move!  

At the height of his fame after Euro 2008, Barcelona, the team Arshavin supported as a boy, offered 15 million pounds for the player, a great sum for an attacking midfielder/supporting striker in his mid to late 20's from a league where it ain't that hard to score.  What happened? 

His team wants like 19 to 25 million pounds! That's a ridiculous amount of money for an admittedly promising, yet ultimately untested player like Arshavin.  

Will Tottenham be the ones to pick him up? They have been seemingly pursuing him all summer and now need a good supporting striker to replace Keane.  They have also loosened the purse strings this summer on attacking talent. T'ham at one point seemed to be pursuing Pavyluchenko as well, but a similar extremely overpriced value was put on him, killing the deal before it started taking off!

It is well known that the Russian football league is the playground of some very wealthy and greedy Russian dudes.  It is also well known that it isn't the most competitive league in the world.  These guys clearly don't care about the good of the russian game.  With as much promise as their national team showed this summer, one would think that those teams would be happy let their players move to a bigger stage.  That level of competition only helps those players get better, and it allows the spotlight to shine on other talented players and pave the way for their careers.  However, preventing your relatively unknown players who have a chance to hit the big stage from getting there, simply out of purely greedy desires, is a real shame.  19 million pounds is a lot of cash for any team.  The issues with Arshavin's value clearly isn't "if we don't get this price, we'll lose money or we can't pay our bills."  It's a matter of the degree of profit.

Over the last few years, transfer prices out of Russia and eastern Europe have been a big stumbling block for players to move abroad.  A few years back, CSKA made a great run in the champions league, but none of their players were purchased, seemingly a natural outcome of such a good run.  Why?  Too expensive.

Jo recently came to Man city for 18 million pounds - however, he's a true striker, Brazillian, and has scored in over half of the games he has played in - an unbelievable feat.  Likewise, nery castillo came to man city last year from the Ukraine and had to buy out his own contract to do it! On top of that, a tidy sum was paid for his services.

This is all to say that if you are a relatively minor league (and one where you have to play in other leagues' off seasons because it is too cold to play in your country from october to april), you should allow your players to move on and populate other leagues.  If they are successful, more teams will look at you in the future as being a real source of talent.  At some point in time, you will become a league where others will want to play, not just a feeder for bigger teams. I almost want Arshavin to stay in Russia, as I don't want them to be rewarded for their greed.   

Technology...Love me Back

I love some new technology. I was reminded of this when I watched Wall Street this week and Gordon Gecko had this Robot that served drinks to his guests!  I always thought those robots were hilarious, even Rocky Balboa had one.

In spite of my love for the machines that add to my uber-convenient life; lately they haven't been loving me back.

Last week, i hit a curb with my wheel and now my car literally drives diagonally.  How do I know this? I know this because Courtney's car broke down on Friday.  I had to jump it off twice in a suit in 100 degree weather so that we could take it to the Lexus dealer.  We put the car seat in my car, so I drove the broken car to the dealership.  While driving, I noticed in my rearview mirror that, while Courtney was driving my car in a straight line, the car is tilted like 5 inches to the right! It's hard to explain in words, but it is a weird sight.  

For the rest of the weekend, we all shared the Jetta, which was kind of fun since we were literally crammed in there.  What was not fun was the fact that my car has black leather seats and one AC vent that doesn't work.  I'm pretty sure that I have been sweating nonstop since Friday.  

One benefit to being stuck inside all weekend was the fact that we finally got digital cable back! We had been doing without for some time in an effort to save money for the house, but in an obvious and shameless ploy to prepare for the upcoming football season starting in 2 weeks, I brought back the digital cable.  The nice men came and set everything up for us on Saturday, and kicked it on our couch while their intense sweat made a person-shaped stain.  All of this would have been worth it if the cable had actually worked! Charter cable reminded us of how much they suck.  Our DVR hasn't worked at all, half the channels never showed up until today, and now the sound doesn't work and we have to wait until Thursday for a another sweaty guy to come out and fix everything.  I know that on August 16 this will all be worth it, but right now i'm losing faith.

Zoltar Speaks...

Well, by popular demand, and by that I mean 1/3 of my viewers, here is my prediction for the 2008/2009 premierleague season (subject to change, of course!). You have paid your quarter, now either all of this will come true, or you will wake up tomorrow looking like Tom Hanks:

Champions:

1. Manchester United. Can Man U compete like they did last year? Maybe. I think so. Well . . . yea, I think so. A lot rides on Ronaldo. I don't expect the same form as last year. I personally think the slave must be freed and released to Real Madrid (galactico days are over, eh?). His attitude hurts the team because he is too big for the English show now. I am not that worried, though, as Nani has matured a lot and can step into his shoes fairly easily. A lot rides on the fitness of the older Man U players, though. Man U was fortunate as far as injuries were concerned last year, and similar luck will be key to their success. Pulling in an additional striker who can work with Tevez and Rooney, and play as a winger as well, will help a lot. It's hard to bet against Sir Alex Ferguson.

Champions League Qualifiers

2. Liverpool. This year, Liverpool will come the closest that they have in a long time to winning the premierleague, but will ultimately fall short for one main reason: Rafa Benitez's rotation policy. Benitez inexplicably has the support of the fans and owners, but has consistently failed to bring home the one prize that every one wants. I personally think that the owners would fire him, but can't afford to. Darlings of the european tournaments where Benitez's tactical superiority and desire to play a more controlled game works well against the Europeans who adopt that approach, Liverpool cannot compete with Man U and Chelsea in England. English football is a rough, fast-paced game that requires depth in talent. Liverpool has proven EPL talent in its starting lineup, especially down the spine of the formation, but continues to disappoint on the wings and on the bench. Man U and Chelsea can almost choose between 2 world class players in each position, and when competing in every competition out there, depth in class saves you from having to rotate good players with less-talented players or disrupt the formation that your team works best in. The fight among the top teams to win all of the trophies in England and Europe is much like the "meat grinder" of the front lines of WWI: keep throwing men at the battle until the team with the most, fit players at the end of the season wins. Much like last year, Benitez will likely have the best transfer of the summer and not play him.

3. Chelsea. Chelsea will again disappoint Abramovich this year. Scolari is an excellent coach with a proven record of success in International coaching, but even I could probably do pretty well coaching Brazil and Portugal in their prime. Chelsea arguably has the best central midfield in the world, but I think that works to its detriment. Too many egos and not enough room on the pitch. Essien I think should always start as a true CM or defensive CM. The problem is that Lamps, Ballack and Deco all play in the attacking CM role. It was hard enough to please Lamps and Ballack at the same time, but while Deco is humble and is probably the better choice from an "attractive football" perspective (and speaks and thinks portugese like Scolari), where are Ballack and Lampard going to go? To include even 2 of the 3 pushes Essien back farther than he would want. I don't see Chelsea winning the EPL this year, but they have a good chance at winning the Champions League and both English cups because of their sheer depth in talent.

4. Portsmouth. I know! I'm freaking crazy to predict this, but I just feel that something weird is going to happen this year and I don't think Tottenham, AV, or Everton will break the mold, at least as it stands right now. I predict that the Crouch-Defoe combination will be one of the top 3 sriker combos this year, along with Torres/Keane and Rooney/Tevez. Both national team fringe players looking for respect, I think Harry will get the best out of both of them, as he so often does. Look for Crouch to hold the ball and Defoe to slot it home, but don't forget that Crouch can suprisingly turn and shoot himself, so you don't know who to be looking for. Also, I am a firm believer that Lassana Diarra is a world-class central midfielder, and, given the chance, can compete with Fabregas on passing and control. Had Wenger bet on him instead of Flamini, Arsenal would probably be my #4 right now. Portsmouth has a great defence and a good keeper as well. Having thankfully avoided the distraction of the UEFA cup, Portsmouth can break into the top 4 this year.

Uefa Cup Qualifier

5. Arsenal. Arsenal are the Big 4 team that will get the boot this year for the same reason that makes them so fun to watch - they are a group of talented youngsters. Arsenal's express strategy is to buy young and cheap, develop a very promising world class player, and sell for a profit. The problem is that you need expereince to win, and they just don't have it. If they had kept the full squad from last year, and kept them healthy, I would say they had a chance to win the league, but they are an injury-prone, young team. There are no guarantees in today's EPL.

6. Tottenham. I want so badly for Tottenham to break into the top 4 this year, especially with all of their exciting pick-ups this summer. On paper, I'd say they were shoe-ins. However, I feel that Tottenham is in for a decent, but very tough first full season under Ramos. T'ham's acquisitions are very exciting prospects, but there's no guarantee that they will gel as a team, or that they will adapt to the EPL. Losing Keane was a big blow to them. I know why he had to go, but if he had stayed, as well as Berbatov, I would say definite top 4 finish. Berba is great, but he needs a partner of Keane's intelligence. Darren Bent is a loss waiting to be written down on the books. He is really fast, but lacks confidence and a killer instinct in front of the net. It looks as if Berba will also be replaced by a newcomer to the EPL - maybe a russian. Who knows how well these new guys will adapt.

Intertoto Cup Qualifier

7. Everton. Always challenging for the top 4, I think that Everton will have to settle for an Intertoto cup place this year. Their transfer season, while not over, hasn't been too encouraging, and I think that their invovlement in the UEFA cup this year will be a big distraction. Fitness and form are huge concerns as well. I would love to see joao moutinho in the EPL, but I have no idea how well he will adapt.

The Rest

8. Aston Villa. A promising team with one of the best coaches in England, AV will have a relatively disappointing year. The Barry saga has really hurt the team and damaged the relationship between the coach and the captain. This will undoubtedly affect Villa in the coming term. Also, AV are competing in Europe, a big deal to them, and they have the smallest side in the EPL. Bouma is already injured and I think they only have like 4 or 5 other defenders to play most or all of the season? Injuries to 2 more of their starters and I don't see AV in the top half of the table.

9. Sunderland. Shocker, right? Roy Keane is a fiery competitor and has declared his intentions by having, I would say, one of the best transfer seasons in England. Sunderland already has a great keeper and a good, promising striker, but has basically imported some of Tottenham's best and most underused players. Chimbonda, Malbranque, Tainio (maybe Kaboul) and also Diouf? That's a great pull for a perenially struggling team. Keane is a good coach as well and will get the most from his players. Nothing else to compete for, I see top half for Keane's boys.

10. Middlesborough. Another shocker. Much like Sunderland, 'borough is a perenial botton-half team. However, the difference this year is the fact that two big acquisitions from last year now have gotten used to the EPL. Look for Tuncay and Alves to light it up this year. Also expect Downing, Wheater, Young and a newly fit-Mido to shine as well. The biggest problem is the keeper role, as I don't think the current stock are too reliable.

11. Manchester City. Man City, West Ham, Newcastle and Blackburn all fall into a big grey area, and really, it doesn't matter where they fall at this point in the table. I loved watching the new Man City last year, especially Elano and Petrov. Compared to the prior years, I can't say how much better they have gotten. However, they should have stuck with Eriksson. Hughes is a great, up and coming coach, but his style doesn't mix with the owner and that will be a source of conflict. Sven has a penchant for spending other people's money and I think he could have pulled some more top players this summer. There is no depth at Man City and they are competing in the UEFA Cup, which I bet will be the focus for the team this year - Thaksin really wants to win something. I really look forward to seeing how well Jo adapts, and I hope he plays well. Everybody loves a brazillian.

12. West Ham. The best thing about West Ham is their firm (GSE!). I could care less about West Ham football. They are just OK. They have an OK coach with OK players. I would love for them to prove me wrong. What more can be said?

13. Newcastle. Oh Lord. Where to start? So far a VERY disappointing transfer season for the Magpies. It's the summer of what could have been. Gutierrez and Guthrie, both promising, but really unproven with their past teams. Bassong, who is he? Haven't we shown that we can't pick foreign players that will be successful in the EPL? We are a real mess this year. It looks like Cashley isn't backing us the way we thought, and I'm just not sure about Keegan - he may have used up all of his success about 10 years ago. What do we need? Every position, really. We need a dominating central midfielder, a consistent, healthy striker, 3 new starting full backs and consistent, strong leadership. Smudge is a whiner, Martins and NZogbia think they're better than they are, Viduka, Duff and Owen are past their prime, and Barton is about to take them all on in a fight. I just wish Taylor and Milner would mature about 2 years over the next 2 weeks, as I think they are the future of the team. Another bottom half finish unless something miraculous happens soon.

14. Blackburn. Losing Bentley and Hughes will be a HUGE loss for this team. A good team all around, their incoming players are not great, and I expect someone will tempt Santa Cruz away from Ewood Park by September. Unless McCarthy and Pedersen have the year they had 2 years ago, look for a near-relegation season.

15. Fulham. Fulham, Brom, Wigan and Bolton all fall into another grey area. One of them is going down, I just am not sure who. As the saying goes, if you buy Championship League players, that's where you will end up. Dodi Fayed's reluctance to invest in an EPL team in London amazes me. There is probably no better place to try to build a team. However, he has tight purse strings and this will be a close year again. Having brought in Andy Johnson and having a fit Jimmy Bullard will help significantly.

16. Wigan. Wigan could suprise this year. I think they will either barely survive the drop or will finish close to the top half. They have had a strong summer in the market and have a midfield that may suprise a few people. Valencia, Palacios, Kapo and Cattermole are all very promising. Also, bringing in Zaki up front, a huge, dominating striker and one of the Middle East's best players, will prove to be interesting for unsuspecting teams. I would like to see them do well this year, not just survive.

17. West Brom. Probably the one promoted team that will survive for another year in the EPL. Pretty good transfer season, especially Scott Carson, and a historical familiarity with the EPL will give them the edge. They are still lacking up front, though.

Relegation

18. Bolton. Sorry Bolton, you should never have let Big Sam go - and I say that as a Newcastle fan. A poor summer and a lack of confidence puts Bolton on the track for relegation. I would love to see Johan Elmander, a top class Volvo, do very well, but I don't think he has what it takes to keep them up. If they sell Meite, their best defender, look out. They may bleed goals this year.

19. Hull City. I think Hull has made some great acquisitions in the form of Boateng and Geovanni, but they seroiusly lack striking power and depth. Also, it is well settled that Geovanni, a classy Brazillian, doesn't like the cold and will not play as well as expected come October thru April. Mendy, Gardner and Rocha have good expereince, but are ultimately championship level players.

20. Stoke. Stoke, save your $, which you obviously are, because you're screwed. Kitson isn't good enough to save you from the drop. At least you have the goal of trying to do better than Derby.